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I’m having some kind of coming of age around things I’m no longer interested in spending my time and energy on. Some that have become clear to me recently are that I’m no longer interested in:

1. Justifying my decisions to other people, particularly men. (Hi, nope I’m not looking for your validation or approval!)

2. Spending time debating basic rights and human decency - especially under the guise of “free speech” or debate for debates sake (unless you are literally in a debate club or academic situation where you’re doing an exercise).

3. Being around people who either don’t care when wrongs are happening (wrongs like anything from bullying to climate change), or who are defeatist and refuse to even try to improve things.

4. Excusing or ignoring people’s bad behaviour for the benefit of the status quo or under the guise of “being nice”.

LOL. Naive 2018 Ariane, thinking that was rock bottom back in September (where did the last six months even go?) It got so much worse, it's still so much worse. And in all honesty, I've lost the will to keep documenting it for now, so I've decided to let myself off the hook so that if/when the spirit moves me I can just hop in here and write a bit now and then without feeling like I need to "catch up".

Note: I wrote this up a couple weeks ago, and was going to post it at the end of last week, but then some things happened and I got side tracked, and well - I'm going to post it after the fact and backdate it because why not.

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...the more they feel like Groundhog Day. I thought I should do an update, as apparently some people do still read my blog for my health updates??? Keeping a personal blog in this day and age is a minefield, and half the time I think I should just take it offline, but I guess that day is not today.

Last week, a documentary aired on the CBC called Sickboy. It's about these guys out east who are best friends, one of whom has cystic fibrosis, and they do a podcast of the same name. The doc and the podcast are both not about health conditions, but what life with illness is like. And they leave NOTHING unsaid - they really get into all the stuff you normally don't talk about and it is the most comforting thing I've come across in ages. I don't know how I missed out on the podcast this long, as it's been running for quite a while now, but I've been enjoying listening to old episodes and getting acquainted.

First some links, and then some thoughts.

 

 

This is a post I've been meaning to write for so long, and putting off until I could fully do it justice, but I'm realizing that maybe it's better if I just actually publish it rather than keep waiting until it's perfect. I don't have the best cognitive powers today since I'm not feeling well, but as I head into a week I know will be very physically and emotionally challenging, this is at the front of my mind and I wanted to get it out there. 

This is very much written about hetero/cis couples and might not fit with the dynamic in relationships that don't fit that label. Or maybe they might. I'm writing about my own experience and some that I've observed, and will be using that language, but I would love to hear from people who have stories that do or don't fit with that in comments!

This guy...

IMG_8621

This post is Part 2 in a 3-part series on my quest for a calmer mind. Part 1 on social media is here, and part 3 on meditation and mindfulness is here.

Before I get to the topic of today, I'm happy to report the first half of my Facebook and Twitter fast has gone well! I've certainly had a few little pangs of withdrawal, but overall, it's been having the desired effect: fewer racing thoughts, less compulsive social media checking, less time lost to the scrolly-scroll.

bee in purple flowers

What have I been doing with my extra time? I've been spending it on writing, reading, catching up on backing up photos from the summer, drawing, mending clothes and sewing, and of course, there may have been some Netflix watching too. (I broke down and started watching Gilmore Girls last week - uh oh!) And of course, hanging out with my sweetie!

I've also been feeling generally awful since mid-summer, and have been having a very hard time healthwise lately, so all that stuff that sounds like "doing" is really very much in the slow lane and making up a small part of my days. I've been mostly resting and trying to listen to what my body needs right now, as well as continuing to work through medical appointments and research, and following up on referrals and tests I need to schedule, etc. Life in the sick lane.

Goodbye 2013. 

BB Day 27

You rivaled 2012 for how shitty I often felt, both physically and emotionally. But I also had some reprieves and glimmers of hope, showing me that change may be slow, but it's still possible. 

You were at once one of the hardest and most important years of my life. I'm tempted to say "good riddance", but that wouldn't be quite right...instead I'll say thank you.

When we decided to try and extend our trip to Belgium, part of that included having time for a side trip so I could see a bit more of Europe. I agonized over where to go - flights are fairly cheap, and everything is so close together (and Bruno was fair game and let me have my pick)! In the end, I really wanted to go back to Berlin...

Berlin

I started weeding through my trip photos from September a few days ago because there are some really wonderful ones I wanted to share. I ended up splitting the side trip to Berlin into a separate post because there were just far too many!

Oostende

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